- Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no. Especially with a puppy. He hates that. Mon, Jul 06 @ 09:45 PM
- I often change into shorts after I get home from work, so Max calls my jeans “outside pants.” Wed, Jul 08 @ 07:45 PM
- Max brought me a tampon, a hair clip, and a spoon. This is some kind of 2-year-old test. MacGyver could make a cell phone with this stuff. Wed, Jul 08 @ 08:16 PM
- What’s the trick to getting a lint roller out of a toddler’s hair? Peanut butter? Wed, Jul 08 @ 08:20 PM
- And so the AT&T FAIL begins. That “call me in 5 minutes” text message would have been more useful 5 hours ago — you know, when it was sent. Thu, Jul 09 @ 09:42 AM
- I thought I grokked the swooning over Rob Pattinson. Then someone told me “Twilight” isn’t about a gay vampire. Awkward. Fri, Jul 10 @ 09:13 AM
- Baby logic is awesome. Today Max rubbed my unshaven face and said, “You put your beard back on!” Fri, Jul 10 @ 12:27 PM
- “The Batman quickly confessed that Superman, his cowardly cohort, ‘freaked out and punched the girl cop in the face.’” Fri, Jul 10 @ 12:49 PM
- Sir Tompem Hatt is a tragic example of how typecasting can ruin a career. Well, that and the sex tape in the 70’s. Fri, Jul 10 @ 07:50 PM
- Gaaagh! Squirted sunscreen in my eye. Straight from the bottle. Sunscreen-in-eyes is a common problem, but rarely is the path so direct. Sat, Jul 11 @ 03:20 PM
- Heading to the beach, an endeavor fraugt with moral and physical peril for someone with Amish modesty and a vampire’s complexion. Sat, Jul 11 @ 03:47 PM
- Chick on the subway said acupuncture is more trustworthy than penicillin because it’s been around for thousands of years. Sat, Jul 11 @ 03:52 PM
- I can only hope she goes with acupuncture next time she has an infection. Sat, Jul 11 @ 03:53 PM
- A life lesson from Coney Island: Just because a little Japanese man can eat 64 hot dogs in 10 minutes doesn’t mean that I can. Wuh. Sat, Jul 11 @ 07:57 PM
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at KFC…and got one. Sun, Jul 12 @ 10:34 AM
- “I’m going to make a big poop like dada!” That’s my boy. Sun, Jul 12 @ 01:30 PM
- Did something happen to Michael Jackson? Sun, Jul 12 @ 01:47 PM
- Trying to replace Max’s afternoon nap with “quiet time” (i.e., solitary confinement in his bedroom). I don’t hear any tunneling yet. Sun, Jul 12 @ 03:09 PM
- The iPhone doesn’t display SMS length. This makes me a dick when it sends two messages for 165 chars to someone without an unlimited plan. Sun, Jul 12 @ 04:08 PM
- Even better when the 5 characters arrive before the 160, which is common across carriers. So thanks, Apple, for making me an aphasic d-bag. Sun, Jul 12 @ 04:20 PM
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